Unprepared College Senior In Shock to Discover “Real World” Will Not Provide Syllabus

It’s a sad day for unprepared college senior Michael St. Mice, as he just recently discovered that the real world will not provide him with a syllabus to outline the rest of his life, sources confirmed on Monday. Our staff here at the Potsdam Plague felt so bad for St. Mice that we tracked him down using state-of-the-art identity tracking software technology: the SUNY Potsdam College Directory. During our phone interview, this is what he told us:

“Yeah, I’ve just been so used to getting syllabuses in my classes, I figured someone – my advisor, my probation officer, My Mom – would give me some sort of outline for my life so I’d know what to do after I graduate.”

After probing him for answers as to what he plans to do with his life now that none of those people will ever have the nerve to write up a ‘real world syllabus,’ St. Mice told us, “Yeah, I have no clue. I’m not even good at what I major in.”

Poor Michael…

With no direction at all, and with the realization that he will now have no outline to keep him on track after he earns his degree, St. Mice started a GoFundMe account to raise $20,000 to allow him enough funds “to get him on his feet for the first 3 months after graduation.”

$20,000. Wow.

The page also said the following:

“Hey guys I’m Mike. Turns out nobody gives you a syllabus when you graduate college like they did for 4 freaking years so idk what I’m gonna do lol. I have no plans and I’m probably not gonna be able to get a job coz I don’t have many skills. Help me out please!”

Needless to say, St. Mice only kept the page open for a couple of hours and then withdrew the money he received from his buddy Jared (a whopping $45.00) so they could both buy less-than-reputable substances from their neighbors up the street the next day. Sounds a little roundabout, if you ask me.

We hope you look forward to seeing Mr. St Mice at graduation in May, because we sure are.


Written By: Paul Halley ’16


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